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In exchange for a relationship (80% of Seeking Arrangement dates involve sex, but the founder Brandon Wade denies it’s a form of prostitution), cash-strapped sugar babies are lavished with gifts and cash allowances which average at £5,000 a month. If you have trouble with giving out satisfying oral sex, you should probably lick your phone instead.

Lickmyapp requires no download and encourages users to improve their oral skills with a choice of three different games, you can flick a light switch on and off, turn a crank or go freestyle – where you bounce a beach ball. You also have to remember to wrap your phone for protection first because it’s supposedly crawling with bacteria, yuck.

Platewave bills itself as “the social network for UK drivers” and lets you message anyone, as long as you’ve got their vehicle registration number.

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Apparently boasting hundreds of members at universities across the UK, skint students can sign up to be “sugar babies” to either “sugar mamas” or “sugar daddies”.

Once you are finished, press the stop button and view your results.” Romantic.

Then you can go online afterwards and see how well you did against the rest of the world – who needs pillow talk anyway?

Then, if your Facebook friend changes their relationship status, the website will send you an email, so you’ll be right in there straight away. As well as swiping left you can use the app to specify whether you’re feeling Heavenly (“Let’s go for a cute Frappuccino and take selfies”) or Sinful (“Hey, I would like to have sex with you”).

If the person you’ve swiped is also feeling Heavenly or Sinful to match you, then you’ve got yourself a match made in Heaven (sorry).Do you spend most of your free time staring daggers at the “in a relationship” status on your one-true-love’s Facebook?

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14 Comments

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  2. eric   •  

    Interview times can be arranged by calling 13 7678.

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